Well here's a little story, that started out at dawn,
With a morning-after Blatz-binge beer-breath yawn.
We got de guns, de dog, and de camo co-it,
Hey Sweeney are ya ready?  Cripes Shad - you know it!
Today were goin' after, a different kind of meat,
Yah, dey come with green heads!  Yeah, and big orange feet!
Well they're fast so if ya see 'em, you'll need a little luck -
You know we're talkin' 'bout huntin' fer de Mallard Duck!

Well I love to kill ducks - and I'm a huntin' fanatic,
- I use an over/under - I got a semi-automatic,
Even though we compete, we do our huntin' together,
And we have our best luck in de cold and crappy weather.
To help us with our huntin', we brought my dog Bruce,
'Cause he's a champion hunter!  Awww, he smells like a moose!
Hey! Ya gotta like Bruce - he's a great retriever,
And like Sweeney and me, he has Mallard Duck fever!
We were trompin' tru de marsh, as de sun was comin' out.
Hey, ya think we'll see some mallards?  Yah guy!  No doubt!
I know a secret spot, if you don't mind de muck-
Hey, I'll wade through Bruce's crap if it guarantees a duck!
We found de perfect place and threw de decoys in de water,
We made a blind behind the brush and got set fer de slaughter.
We were ready fer action - set fer de attack,
So Shad grabbed de call and went "quack - quack - quack"

I was quackin' and callin', and my eyes were peeled wide.
And I was sittin' on de dog 'cause the varmint wouldn't hide!
Hey!  My dog has a gift - he finds dead ducks with ease.
Last week he fetched me a trophy!  Last week he gave me de fleas!
Well never mind that, ders somethin' comin' are way.
Better take it off safety, for crimeny cry-hey!
Holy Crap! Check it out! Dat's de biggest I seen!
I'd swear it was a goose, but de head is dark green!
De mallard flew overhead, from behind, real fast.
Hey! He's getting' away, guy!  Shoot him in the ass!
De 12-guage went off and de duck went down,
If de shot didn't kill him, he'll sure 'nough drown.
The dog flew in de water - Yah, I hope he brings him back!
Oh ya know if he does, he gets a Scooby Snack!
Well he brought back a beauty!  And what did it produce!
A roast duck dinner and a bone for ol' Bruce!