Baraboo Rap

My name is Shad Shawalski and I'm about to begin,
To talk about adventures here in Wisconsin.
I got a couple stories that I'd like to share with you,
About me and three buddies in the town of Baraboo.
First there's Byron Sweeny with the chin full of hair,
Says he has to grow it or his head looks like a pear.
Some call him "Nose Guy" and some call him "Fatz,"
'Cause he's got a big beer belly from always drinking Blatz.
Then there's Earl Crap from the little town of Pound,
A hard-core hunter and he hunts year round.
He has trouble fishing 'cause he gots the allergies,
Every time he smells a fish he has to blow a sneeze.
Finally Charlie Polska - well his friends call him "Yak,"
Wears the big pair of pants to show off the crack.
His teeth are nearly rotten and his breath smells like poo,
'Cause he always chaws a big plug of Red Man chew.
Well Baraboo's a place between Fisk and Beaver Fort,
It's our favorite town if we don't head nort.
Every week we pack the gear and hop in my old truck,
We go to hunt and fish and just to test out the luck.
I catch a different fish every time I throw a cast,
Huge perch, giant pike and big white bass.
What do I use for bait today you say you'd like to learn?
A hook, bobber, sinker and the big fat worms.
Well we're the best fishermen on Bucksnort Lake,
And fish are good eating, guy - I tell ya, cripes sake!
Our gear is the best I say, tackle, poles and reels,
We use minnows, worms, lures, grubs and black leech eels.
Well I was using nightcrawlers, Byron used a brat,
Earl was having problems with a handful of snot.
Charlie used a lure, and gave the rod a flip,
And accidentally caught old Byron in the lip.
Well after that fiasco, Charlie caught a bass,
Happy dude swallowed chew and yakked in the grass.
Drinking hard was Byron with the belly full of beer,
He caught a swell perch and we all let out a cheer.
We found a school of crappie, catching them by the pound,
And I noticed once again that my bobber went down.
I says, "This fish is fighting, I'd swear that I have two!"
I reeled it in and checked the hook and says, "Cripes, I do!"
Later on that day I got snagged in the muck,
So I looked around and thought, "Oh, cripes - This sucks!"
But then the line went screaming and the fish broke my pole,
So I grabbed a beer, got drunk and went to town to bowl.
Well I got sick of bowling, 'cause it was getting lame,
Let's go back to Baraboo and shoot for some game!
The gun and shells were in the truck, I opened up a beer,
Time to kill some squirrels, birds and white tail deer!
Walking through the woods in my blaze orange suit,
What me gonna kill, hey?  What me gonna shoot?
Over by the tree there I see my buddy Earl,
Says he wants to kill a big, fat gray squirrel.
Earl yells, "He's in the tree!" and loaded up his gun,
But after missing all three shots he said, "This ain't no fun!"
Then I saw it standing - frozen cold as if in fear,
About a ten or twenty-pointer huge white tail deer.
I took a shot and missed the deer, the buck began to flee,
I chased and tried to catch it, but got clotheslined by a tree.
Earl came and helped me up, I ran throughout the land,
I tried to find the deer as Earl searched from the stand.
I ran and searched and searched and ran without an ounce of luck,
I couldn't find a sign nor hide nor hair of that old buck.
Then the tree was empty and Earl could not be found,
Until I spied him in the woods squatting, pants down.
It's time to quit our hunting Earl, it's getting kind of late,
Lets check out Sauk County Fair and find a couple dates!
Holy crap, it's six o'clock!  We gotta leave now!
Let's pound some beer and go to see the blue ribbon cow.
We ate some kraut and brats until our bellies got full,
Hey, ain't that Charlie Polska by the tractor pull?
We entered a raffle to win a John Deere rig,
And Earl won the prize when he caught the greased pig.
Well ya heard about my stories in the town of Baraboo,
I hope you huntin' fishers have learned a point or two.
We all got stinking drunk on the Old Milwaukee beer,
'Cause remember that raffle?  I won the John Deere!!!
(Beat-Boxing and scratching)